Beth and I had our first parenting class the other night. Pretty informative but really overwhelming. On the car ride home it really hit me, this baby is real and it will be here soon. Not that I’m a completely naive idiot who thought his wife just put on few pounds. I know my son is almost here. It’s just a surreal thought, literally overnight my life will change. I will be handed this tiny, fragile, helpless being who I HAVE TO take care of. I can really see how first time parents go a little nuts. He’s not even here yet and I’m starting have a mini freak out.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m ready. At least I think I’m ready. You can only prepare so much. I’m very blessed with a close family and friends who will be there for us if we ever need them.
Another delimia I find myself facing lately is having a crisis of faith. It’s something I’ve struggled with for a while now. I think every person who grew up going to church goes through it at some time or another. It’s just bad timing when you’ve got a little one on the way and you’re question the big guy upstairs. I aquate this round of questioning to outside influences. I don’t know why but lately I’ve really been letting other people’s opinions and thoughts sneak there way into my head. Maybe I’ve regressed back to high school and I’m trying to look cool in front of others. I just see how many people bash my belief and I can’t help sometimes to get wrapped up in the hype. The news, science (or so called science), the unbelievably liberal people I sometimes work with in this insane industry. Who knows where it’s coming from. I know on the surface beliveing in Christ and a God is crazy sounding. The mythos, the supernatural nature of it all. But honestly, I’ve always been a little crazy. And I like the the idea of God. I won’t get into it now but I’ve got my reasons for believing in a higher power. I want to be in this world, not a part of it. It’s a fine line sometimes.
I am excited though, really exited. I can’t wait for the little guy to get here. I keep playing over and over in my head all things I want to tell and show him one day. It’s a really cool feeling. He’s a sponge, I need to soak him up in a lot of things. It’s going to be a trip.
Anyhow, that’s where I stand, in the surreal. A son on the way. Two parents who may or may not be ready. And a whole lot of sleepless nights. So God hear my prayer. Give me path to follow and lead me down it. Grant me with the courage and wisdom to walk over the cliff and know that you will catch me. And if it’s not too much trouble, let me know you’re there every once and a while.
