In no particular order.

1. Rage Against the Machine: Self titled album first album: Furious, powerful, aggressive and funky.  Add all that to my raging teenage angst, that album opened my eyes and my taste for so so many years to come.  I lost my voice countless times belting out “Freedom”.

2. Rage Against the Machine: Evil Empire: I love their first album so much the 4 YEARS it took them to release another made the anticipation so sweet.  One of the best sophomore albums ever.  The same fervent anger was still there but the sound so smart and big.  There will never be another one like Tom Morello. Amazing.

3. Pearl Jam: Ten: I think most men my age had this album when we were teens. I ‘d never heard anything like it.  It was punk, but not.  It was heavy, but not. I didn’t know such powerful music was so approachable. Ohh the flannels shirts I wore after this album got into my blood stream.  I still have no idea was Eddie Vedder is saying half the time but the passion in his voice is always what sold it for me.

4. Weezer: Blue Album: If it weren’t for that album I would have never learned how to play drums.  So simple and so fun.  I spent hours blasting it on my headphones and playing it on my drum set.  My mother can attest.

5. Guns N’ Roses: Use Your Illusion I & II: The first album I bought with a parental advisory sticker on it.  I was so nervous walking up the counter.  Like I was buying crack in an alley.  I remember feeling so relieved after I discovered you didn’t get carded buying albums.  I thought from now on, that’s all I’m buying.  Bring on the parental advisory stickers.

6: Smashing Pumpkins: Siamese Dream: Another great teenage angst album.  It wasn’t until a few years later I really came to appreciate the musicianship and complexity on that album.  The deep intense rhythms in the guitars alone blew my mind.  Throw in Jimmy Chamberlin and you’ve got a masterpiece.

7: Tool: Undertow: This was a huge album for me. I felt kind of dirty for owning it.   The cover art and liner notes were pretty infamous.  I can still vividly remember my friend Case buying the Wal Mart censored version. All it was a giant upc code.  But the music really wrapped me into it.  It was so dark and complex but at the same time really simple and beautiful.  I can also thank my cousin Steve for introducing them to me.  My wife thanks you too (that was sarcasm, she hate my taste in heavy music.)

8: Johnny Cash: American Recordings IV:When The Man Comes Around: I have always been a big Johnny Cash fan. But when he made his comeback with Rick Rubin and the American Recordings.  Wow.  I heard a true master at his craft. It’s not everyday you hear pain, fear, grief and joy recording with such honesty.  Yeah he did mainly cover songs but I still never heard anything like it. His last album, A Hundred Highways, made me cry.  You can actually hear death in his voice.

9. Counting Crows: August and Everything After: Yeah I know, but I get at-least one frat boy pick.  I have nothing but great memories and friends attached to this album.

10: P.O.D.: Satellite:  For some divine reason or another this album came along at a perfect time in my life.  Ironically enough it was released on 9.11.  Sometimes when your faith is low.  Your  faith in anything, God, your loved one, your fellow man.  Sometimes you need a kick in the pants to realign yourself.  Every track was a tour de force, one after the other.  The aggression, the groove, the message.  It all moved me.  Now my boys in Payable on Death have lost a few steps in the last few years but this album will go down in the history books.

11. Nine Inch Nails: The Downward Spiral:  I’ve never been into the “industrial” stuff.   If that’s what they even call it now.  Goth, maybe?  Who knows, I’m old now.  But the record opened me up to new sounds so for that I include it on the list.

12: Mother Love Bone: Mother Love Bone:  Melodic, sometimes dark, sometimes a little cooky.  If you puts your dates together this album came out during the height of hair metal.  I didn’t hear until years later when grunge ruled the world.  If you listen close, it may sound a bit dated and 80′s, but there is some real complex and deep sounds going on there.  Plus if Neil Young is the godfather of grunge then Andrew Wood is the bastard child.

13: Mad Season: Above:  The holy trinity of grunge groups.

14: Rolling Stones: Hot Rocks: I don’t remember how or when I got this album but I still listen to it all the time. I must have been 13 or 14, I’d heard Stones songs before but most I’d never heard.  White blues band, who knew.  I will say this, there really are 2 types of people in the world.  Stones people or Beatles people, you can’t be both.  Sorry to say it, but I have never been a fan of The Beatles.  Sorry Hippies

15: A3: Exile on Coldharbour Lane: I discovered these guys at an odd time in my life.  I wrote many a scripts and stories with this album blaring in the background.

16: Natural Born Killers Soundtrack: L7 mixed with some Bob Dylan with some of the most jacked up dialogue ever put to film.  The film and the soundtrack were the first time I’d ever seen and heard pure chaos captured like that.  But the main thing it did for me was the discovery of Leonard Cohen.

17: Cake: Fashion Nugget: For some reason I always associate this album with my brother Justin.  We have wildly differing musical tastes but I know he and I both like Cake.  I’ve got everyone of their albums since this one.

18: Downset: Self titled album: A little cheesy but boy oh boy good times.  My friend Andy Sullivan turned me on to them.  We were in a band together in high school.  I have really awesome memories making music with those guys.  Yeah we probably sucked just like most high school garage bands.  But at the time I felt like the king of it all.

19: Beastie Boys: Check Your Head: The first of many Beastie albums I bought.  I love them all equally but there is nothing like your first.  There will never be another group like the Beastie Boys.

20: P.O.D.: Fundamental Elements of Southtown: I remember seeing the video for “Southtown” and thinking to myself, this rocks, hard.  Weeks later my little brother told me they were a Christian group.   Now the “Christian Music” I had  to listen to…I mean enjoyed listening to growing up in church DID NOT sound like this.  I was hooked instantly.  Sonny Sandoval sounded angry, and I liked it.

21: The Crow Soundtrack: I can remember discovering so many unknowns (to me at least). Pantera, Helmet and especially Henry Rollins.  Great movie too, I have vivid memories of trying to get in to see that flick. I’d seen dozens of rated R movies in the theaters before that.  But for whatever reason my friends and I could not get let in to that one.
P.S. Helmet…one of the most underrated bands of all time.

22: Temple of the Dog: Chris Cornell could sing the phone book and I’d buy it.  You take that and add some of the most proficient musicians in modern rock and you’ve really got something.  I was a fan of Mother Love Bone before this album but to see the way Andy Wood affected people really stood out to me.

Okay that’s only 22, what are you going to do about it?

My God.  I come in humble reverence for the things I can never understand, and never will.  My hope, my faith is battled every day.  But everyday I am blessed.  Blessed with love, blessed with health, blessed with life.  Only You, the creator of life can understand life.  My child is on the verge of entering this world.  This all together wonderful and horrible world.  I’d be a fool to say I’m ready.  I don’t understand this world, how can I explain it to a child?  My blind hope is my embrace.  Foolish as this world may think, 

it’s the only true solace I can take.  I will never know your plans, if they’re even plans at all.  All I know is that I have life and you have blessed me with a new life.  I’ll say I’ll try my best, but sometimes I’ll fail.  My plea is to catch me when I do.  All I have to give is the life you’ve given me.  We both know I don’t give that to you whole heartedly or even sometimes not at all.  But in my most selfish wants, please watch over my child.  Give him the understanding I cannot.  Guide us both in wisdom.  Catch us when we fall.  We we always fall.

Amen.

I am blessed.

Until then, this always puts a smile on my face.  Thanks Johnny B.

CSPAN…there are very important things going on with our Government right now, try a little production value.

Whatever Top 40 radio station my wife listens to…I’ve heard the same 5 songs every morning for the past 3 months.  And the worst part is the crap is so catchy it stays in your head all day.

The ad with the Sarah MClaughlin song making me feel guilty about not helping sick animals…that song is about overdosing on heroin in a hotel room.  One eyed dog looking sad = heroin O.D.  I don’t see the connection.

People who give me way too much information on their Facebook…I’m glad your colonostomy went well, but let’s just keep that to ourselves.

The stories major news outlets are making headlines out of now that they have nothing to talk about after the election…I’ve seen more stories about monkey waiters than I care to repeat.

The Toyota Prius…seriously, try to say “Prius” without having a lisp.

That damned “Save by Zero” Toyota ad…that jingle was written by Satan himself.

Nicole Kidman’s face…what’s going on there, did you go to the same doctor as Kenny Rogers?

Christmas music playing when I buy Halloween candy…seriously, I know we’re in tough financial times but you playing Christmas music way before Christmas does NOT make we want to buy more.  Knock it off.  I don’t need to hear Andy Williams while I see the mask from Scream sitting on the shelf.

We’re in the home stretch.  5 weeks and counting and I’ll be a father.  Scary, scary, scary thought.  I don’t know if I’m actually stressed and frantic or I just haven’t been able to take the time and let it really sink in.  But I’m going to a dad.  I will have total responsibility over a completely helpless being.  Maybe that’s it, when I say it like that it’s does sound quite horrifying.  That’s probably why I’m keeping things so “full”.  Making movies, recording some iteresting rap music for some folks, working 1, no 2, no 3 jobs at the same time.  I really need to get my head in the game.  

I guess it’s a little harder for the daddy-to-be to have that connection right off the bat.  The only tangible thing I see is my wife’s belly getting bigger.  She can feel him, growing, moving inside of her.  It’s a nightly thing that Beth gets really exited over the smallest movement.  She calls me over and says “Look, look!”  And honestly most times I can’t see anything.  Then I get “Well he was doing it a second ago.”  Day late and a dollar short I guess.  That moment in the delivery room is going to be incredible, I know it.  It’s just hard to really wrap your head around something so surreal yet so permanent.

Don’t get the wrong idea, I am extremely excited.  I cannot wait.  I (and I’m sure my wife would agree) want him to be here now.  Healthy, but now.  But let’s face it, the God’s honest truth is…I’m scared out of my mind.  And I think that’s normal.  I think anyone who approaches parenthood with a melancholy demeanor needs their head examined.  

So I guess that’s what I’m feeling.  A total and absolute fear and a total and absolute joy all at the same time.  It’s not everyday those two emotions cross paths.  Sorry I can’t be anymore poetic than that.  When I really think about, and let myself think about it, it’s so overwhelming.  But overwhelming or not, ready or not, here he comes.  So be it, and may he be blessed.

thanks for listening

Go to http://vimeo.com/2337884 for the full HD version.

Anyhow Paul and I have been making movies together since we first met.  We both worked at Blockbuster Video way back in the day.  Shorts, music videos, just messing around.  We just create.  I’ve always said I never shot anything for fame or glory.  I’ve always just wanted the acceptance of my peers.  If my friends think something is cool then I’ve succeeded.  I’ll have something new to show the world in a few weeks.  But if you’re looking for the next big thing, don’t hold your breath.