I wish my head were in the clouds a little more

But alas strange things are afoot at the Circle K.  

We’re in the home stretch.  5 weeks and counting and I’ll be a father.  Scary, scary, scary thought.  I don’t know if I’m actually stressed and frantic or I just haven’t been able to take the time and let it really sink in.  But I’m going to a dad.  I will have total responsibility over a completely helpless being.  Maybe that’s it, when I say it like that it’s does sound quite horrifying.  That’s probably why I’m keeping things so “full”.  Making movies, recording some iteresting rap music for some folks, working 1, no 2, no 3 jobs at the same time.  I really need to get my head in the game.  

I guess it’s a little harder for the daddy-to-be to have that connection right off the bat.  The only tangible thing I see is my wife’s belly getting bigger.  She can feel him, growing, moving inside of her.  It’s a nightly thing that Beth gets really exited over the smallest movement.  She calls me over and says “Look, look!”  And honestly most times I can’t see anything.  Then I get “Well he was doing it a second ago.”  Day late and a dollar short I guess.  That moment in the delivery room is going to be incredible, I know it.  It’s just hard to really wrap your head around something so surreal yet so permanent.

Don’t get the wrong idea, I am extremely excited.  I cannot wait.  I (and I’m sure my wife would agree) want him to be here now.  Healthy, but now.  But let’s face it, the God’s honest truth is…I’m scared out of my mind.  And I think that’s normal.  I think anyone who approaches parenthood with a melancholy demeanor needs their head examined.  

So I guess that’s what I’m feeling.  A total and absolute fear and a total and absolute joy all at the same time.  It’s not everyday those two emotions cross paths.  Sorry I can’t be anymore poetic than that.  When I really think about, and let myself think about it, it’s so overwhelming.  But overwhelming or not, ready or not, here he comes.  So be it, and may he be blessed.

thanks for listening

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